6.27.2009

urban dictionary: new wedding-related words in everyday vernacular

Today, thanks to finding the site http://www.urbandictionary.com/, I'm posting freshly coined wedding-related words in use in urban society. (Note: although I have edited some of these entries they do not necessarily reflect the views and/or opinions of this blog.)

Auntzilla
Noun. The sister to a Bridezilla's mother or father. Sometimes this individual feels more powerful because she's footin' the bill.
"I thought the mother of the bride was a (expletive deleted), until I met Auntzilla."



Bridal
Adj. Description for a woman who becomes obsessive and crazy over her wedding. Permutation of postal. "Hilda quit her job in order to plan her wedding. She is going bridal."


Bridal Diaper
Noun. A diaper that is used when a wedding dress is too big or complicated to easily use the bathroom. Most brides who visit bridal shops have never heard of a bridal diaper and are surprised to hear how many are sold. It seems to be something not many brides talk about but there are more in use than you would think.
Some brides use "Depends" and others use adult bed wetting diapers. Some dressmakers are making bridal diapers that match the dress and other shops sell white covers that fit over a disposable diaper.

"I'll never get this wedding gown off to use the restroom. I'll have to wear a bridal diaper."

Bridal Mania
Noun. Can be used as a politically correct version of less friendly "Bridezilla" or a phenomenon where wedding planning takes over a bride and/or groom's life and causes mood swings, arguments, a feeling of being overwhelmed and general malaise.
In response to a bride's outburst toward her groom: "What's up, Bridal Mania?"



Bridechilla
Noun. A bride that remains calm, cool, and collected during her entire wedding experience. Bridechillas never use phrases such as "my day, the most important day of my life, don't ruin my day, etc." A Bridechilla is not defined by her wedding, rather she is likely taking part in the experience simply to have a super drunken bachelorette party. Bridechilla is an antonym of Bridezilla.


Brideorexia
Noun. When a bride goes overboard trying to get skinny for her wedding day. (Becomes anorexic.)
"She's got a bad case of brideorexia; she bought her wedding gown two sizes too small on purpose and hasn't eaten anything but, like, raw veggies for three months." (Soon, an entire blog {with photos} will be devoted to this dangerous and wide spread phenomenon.)

Bridesbitch
Noun. A bad-ass true friend who's got the bride's back -- she's way more useful than another prissy maid in a matching dress.
"A bridesmaid might help you arrange your veil, but a bridesbitch can take down your drunk uncle when he stands up to make a speech. "


Brideslave
Noun. A woman who will go crazy over her wedding, stressing and running around organizing everything making sure everything is OK for her big day. A sucker for happy endings. An example of this would be anyone named "Amber."


Bridesmaiding
Verb. The act of being a bridesmaid in a wedding. Or at a bridal shower. Whatever.
"Dakota: so what's up?" "Lissy: not too much, just came home from a bridal shower that I'm bridesmaiding for."


Bridesmaidzilla
Noun. A condition in which an anal retentive bridesmaid controls the wedding party as though it were her own wedding.
"She is totally a Bridesmaidzilla - she made all the girls sit down and do the calligraphy for all the wedding invitations!"


Bridezilla (one of three definitions found)
Noun. Bridezillas are a new breed of soon-to-wed women who abuse the idea that weddings are their "day." They terrorize their bridal party and family members, make greedy demands and break all rules of etiquette, to insure that they are the single most important person on the planet from the time they are engaged to the time they are married.
"She is ordinarily a pleasant person, unless she's talking to the wedding caterers, and then she becomes a crazed Bridezilla."




Engagement (one of two definitions found, both obviously written by a man)

Noun. The state of being partway between single and married; an indefinite period of time where you plan and put off the seemingly inevitable. For a female partner, this period of time is filled with moodiness, piles of bridal magazines, and excessive showing off to her friends and family. She alternates between showering you with grateful affection and mercilessly hounding you to make sure you "truly love her". Often, the simplest question -- such as "what do you want from the grocery store?" -- provokes a fit of insecurity and accusations about you cheating on her "with that slutty stocker in aisle 9". She will also ask you peculiar and often terrifying questions, such as how many kids you want to have ("six or seven?"), in an attempt to secure certainty of your complete sincerity and fidelity. At other times, she will obsessively plan out every detail of your wedding without your explicit consent. Do not be taken aback by her behavior -- she has had practice with this since she started fantasizing about her wedding at about the age of seven. You will also often see her surrounded by other women, usually her close friends and members of her family, all weeping in joy or clamoring to see that damned expensive ring you got her. At this time, they will tend to squeal and cry at random times and speak in their own cryptic language. Warning: do not attempt to approach such a hoard of women. Such an action would not only be suicidal but also extremely stupid. See "The Darwin Awards" for accounts of such follies. For the male partner, this time is often filled with depression, anxiety, and indecision. The gravity of the situation finally sinks in, and you will find him alternating between absolute compliance to your every word and hesitant dodging of your questions. You may find him indulging in beer, coffee, ESPN, or Spike TV more than usual. His sympathetic friends may throw him a bachelor party, which will be his last chance to guiltlessly peek up another girl's skirt. Do not be taken aback by this infidelity; it will be his last breath of fresh air before you may legally and emotionally smother him for life. During your latest sexual encounter, you may also find that his left nut is missing. Do not be alarmed; that was the cost of your diamond ring. For certain couples in Massachusetts and Canada, this brief period of time will be filled with fabulous celebration. There may be little actual decision-making involved; you're obviously going to play that heart-wrenching RENT song at your wedding, you already picked out your handsome tuxedo months ago, the pink champagne's in the mail, and maybe you can even convince that sexy pool-cleaner to be your best man. Hey, can't a guy indulge a little before he ties the knot? According to Hollywood, engagement is also the time when couples are most prone to affairs, scandals, and general promiscuity. It is the default status for any hot celebrity couple, as they can afford the thousands of dollars on ten diamond rings (just to be sure) and their emotions are somehow more flexible and breakable than that of a regular couple.
"Different Scenarios of Engagement: Man #1: I'm engaged. Man #2: (Expletive deleted), man. She got you?
Woman #1: I'm engaged. Woman #2: Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm so happy for you! Have you picked out your wedding dress yet? Hang on, I've gotta call Barbara and Michelle and Jessica and Holly and.. Gay Man #1: I'm engaged. Gay Man #2: Oh god, that's so fabulous! I totally knew you two were meant to be. It's like your souls just color-coordinate, like all the time. Britney Spears: I'm engaged. General Public: Again?"



Maid-Tron
Noun. A single mother who is chosen to occupy the maid-of-honor duties of a wedding. It is a combination of matron, which indicates having dignified woman that had children from wedlock, and maid, denoting her status as single, yet still innocent.
"The service for Tara's wedding was beautiful. Ashley was the maid-tron, her little girl was the flower girl and her little boy was the ring bearer. I'm so glad her loser ex-husband is out of the picture."



Momzilla



Noun. Similar to a Bridezilla, a Momzilla is highly controlling of the many elements to a wedding. Everything must be perfect for her child's day. This child is often the bride, but may sometimes be the groom. The excuse for being controlling and overbearing is usually that the Momzilla has paid for a large amount of the wedding expenses. Common conflicts in which Momzilla may attack include last-minute changes to plans, guests/party members who she does not like, and the bride and groom declaring that they do not like her ideas.
"The mother-of-the-bride turned into Momzilla when her daughter said she wouldn't wear her grandmother's dress. "



Groomzilla
Noun. The appropriate mate for Bridezilla, Groomzilla is a combination of groom and Godzilla, and describes an unreasonably demanding groom. Groomzillas rarely express themselves over the small details of the wedding ceremony and reception, preferring instead to force family members into uncomfortable situations or make vague general statements his bride must extrapolate from. Groomzilla's attacks are often seen by his bride to be personal attacks on her, her ability to get along with her future in-laws, and her ability to plan a wedding. This term is most often seen on wedding-related media, especially chat boards.
"OMG, I can't believe my Groomzilla wants me to spend six whole hours talking to his mother!



Wedding Hydra
Noun. When closing one task in planning for a wedding creates two new ones.
"Well, we booked the reception hall, but now we have to find the caterer and band and so many other things - - this is becoming a wedding hydra."

Wedding Porn
Noun. Magazines, websites, and planning books related to throwing a wedding that are concealed from the unwitting intended groom, lest he freak out.
"My boyfriend is coming down for the weekend; I'd better stash the wedding porn under the bed. "


Wedding Purgatory
Noun. A state of being somewhere between wedding heaven and wedding hell. This usually occurs when plans are not going quite as smoothly as the bride-to-be had hoped, but have not yet reached the point to where she must turn into Bridezilla to get things done.
Jessica: “Congratulations Cindy! Enjoy this time! Aren’t you so excited about your wedding?!” Future Bridezilla: “Eh – this isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. Really, I’ve been stuck in Wedding Purgatory for a while now.”


Weddiquette
Noun. Wedding + Etiquette = Weddiquette. The practices and rules that define socially acceptable behaviors for events and circumstances related to a wedding.
-The weddiquette convention called an "At Home" card (included with the announcement or invitation) gives the bride a mechanism to inform others that she is not changing her last name.

-If the wedding is cancelled after gifts have been received, weddiquette calls for the gifts to be returned to the givers.

Wife Expectancy
Noun. In a marriage doomed for failure, the measurement of length used primarily for betting purposes of the groom's friends.
"I can't believe he's marrying that psychopath. Wife expectancy of two years, max. "





















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